


House of the Home of the Appartment of Re-Animator

by ImHavingAStroke



Category: Re-Animator (Movies)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Bottom Julian Bashir, Disability, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gaslighting, Gender Dysphoria, Hypnotism, Light Dom/sub, M/M, POV Mace Windu, Pizza, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Prison, Prison Sex, Star Trek References, Takis, Top Joe Biden, Trans Herbert West (Re-Animator), Trans Julian Bashir, Transgender, Valve Play (Transformers), Voltron MLM Month 2017, Wheelchairs, Whiteclaw - Freeform, ass, putting things in ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImHavingAStroke/pseuds/ImHavingAStroke
Summary: Herbert goes on a walk. It was dark. It was a night.
Relationships: Daniel Cain/Herbert West
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the official reanimator sequel script. its not.

It was a night. Herert looked at Dan manspreading on the couch taking up the entire space while Herbert had his legs crossed tightly. He was man-spreading. Herbert said “I need an endocrinologist.” (within the insurance network, of course) Dan lols at him incredulously and says “what the fuck. You know thats not covered by insurance. Dude. I'm making 10 dollars an hour at waffle house. We cant afford that. You just sit around the house making reagent and putting things up your ass. Fuck you.” Dan manspreads even wider while looking Herbert right in his wet hazel orbs. Herbert stares at Daneil Cain, a slight twinkle in his eye. He smiles. A smile pulls at his lips and his lip quirks up into a smile, a wide smile at that. One of sadness or glee, who the fuck knows? But, he opens his big wet mouth to speak. “Dan…” he starts. “You know I need it.” Dan scoffs in his direction, putting his smelly feet up on the coffee table in front of the pair and flexing his toes, causing them to pop loudly. A noise of disgust came from Herbert’s lips, but he said nothing. Only waited for Dan’s inevitable reply. “Okay, well. I’m going to fuck. I’m going to fuck a feminine woman’s tight pussy and grab her soft breasts. I fucking love vaginas, Herbert. I love fucking and cumming inside vaginas. I’m straight.” **(please don’t be offended by this, there is a woman on the writing team and she said that it was okay to put this here___)** *he leaves* Herbert was sad. He was so sad he thought about death and darkness and straight people. He drew a picture of himself crying with a chain around his leg with the word anxiety on it and a blak cloud with the word depression. The other ball and chain had the words “This fat ass” written on it, because the local neighborhood kids commented on his dummy thick cheeks. Hes built like that. He never minded. i mean have you seen jeff combs in reanimator 3. Oh my god. The triple tier cake. He’s built different than you bitches.

Herbert, the lonely man, decides to do something about his issue. He picks up dan’s keys to his awesome rad car and thinks to himself about getting some milk and cookies from the publix. He says “Yes, this will do nicely” and continues to his destination, getting into the car and turning over the engine. Dan never drove the car because hes a fucking moron who likes walking like some sort of manfreak. He grips the steering wheel as tight as his little hands can. The hot red cool muscular straight man car is so cool, and he feels nice and cis driving in it. His dysphoria lessens. He suddenly realized he went out without putting his binder on and he had missed his testosterone shots which caused his period to start. He suddenly howled and then promptly forgot about it and smiled serenely and kept rolling down their ten mile driveway. He turned on the radio and it was cave town and lemon demon. Then he saw Dan the cis man body walking down the sidewalk on the side of the road and got so fucking mad, something evil took over his mind and body and hands and feet and arms and legs. Something he couldn’t control. He yelled out “OUUUUUUG” in rage and steered the car right into Dan’s big dumb hunk body. My god was he a himbo. The car hit Dan, but Dan was a solid column of pure masculinity and beefcake caveman genetics and that mustang with the frail fruity little driver in it never stood a fucking chance. It was like an unstoppable force hitting an immovable object but there is no unstoppable force at all its a little underdeveloped thing. The car crumples like a paper ball and herbert goes flying through the windshield at mach 2, (1333.48 nautical miles) and rockets right into dan’s massive forehead. One of his eyes gets impaled on his nose. His nose stuck out like a beacon. It was huge and a sexy nose. God yes. Dan didnt really register anything because he was thinking about women and vaginas and having sex with those vaginas. He kept walking. Herbert was lying on someone’s lawn mangled and twisted, practically unrecognizable, bleeding out his bones sticking out in places they shouldn’t be, his skull crushed and brains oozing out of his nose and eyes and mouth and a hole in his head. Both of his huge glistening doe eyes were bulging out of his head that looked like a crushed pop can. His ribs were sticking out through his chest after badly puncturing his lungs and he was bleeding rather bad internally all over the place in his stomach and brain. It was like one of those ketchup factories when a guy dies and falls into something and there is blood everywhere did you think i was gonna say ketchup huh huh yeah i didnt. It was like that. Also his arms and legs were bent like crazy straws, sticking out in every direction that wasn’t humanly possible, not even for a world class professional gymnast. His plush pert pink lips were agape and blood and brains were seeping out and also all of his teeth were gone so you couldn’t recognize him from any dental records because his teeth were gone like, you couldn’t find them anywhere. Herbert was dead as hell.  
**Okay so one of the writers is upset that we mangled jeff combs too early so none of that actually happened. Ignore that. It was not the woman writer.**  
I’m the writer _no im the write_ **NO I AM** _r who is also a woman_ and I’m ignoring that, anyways. Herbert was a little bit hurt but probably fine. Nothing is wrong, he’s okay. Dan still walks away, that is canon yes, but Herbert crawls out of the smashed windshield like a slime and flops over onto the ground. In a very dramatic fashion. He’s gay, I mean come on. He opens his hazel optics, looking up at the night sky and thinking to himself. He thinks about Dan being straight and having sex with so many women. Are you enjoying my typing ASMR? _No im listening to slowed down kesha songs._ **Which one are you listening to i personally enjoy cannibal** _yeah im listening to that one its really good_ He thinks about how Dan has never loved him the way he wanted, and he felt sad and a little mad and bad and not so glad. He stood up, saying “oof ouch yikes ee aa” at the little bit of pain he felt in his ribs and his heart, and realized he would have to keep going on foot if he were to get his Publix cookies. “Perfect,” the thought and smiled at the thought. Now he could catch up to Dan and actually talk to him about who he was going to have deep hot straight boring sex with. Dan was still walking like nothing happened thinking about the tightest pussies imaginable. The gorilla grip kind. The kind that leaves your dick bruised and purple and bloody. When Hebert finally caught up to him (he had to run in the most fruitiest of fashions) Dan turned around and slapped him in the face. Herbert flew back and ragdolled like in gmod. Dan smirked wide. “I can do whatever the fuck i want. This is my world.” Dan triumphantly announced. “Remember when you went to prison without me?” yes we are acknowledging the third movie fuck you “yes” herbie **DAN** said.”you had gay sex” herbert smiled. But then he frowned. He wished it was gay sex with dan. Then he smiled once again, his smile turned into a grin, thinking about dan’s cock. It was quite a good sized cock, nice curvature, big head that flares out. Cut. Yes, it was a delightful cock. The balls dangled a little low, but what can you do? Nobody’s perfect. Except dan. _His balls are low._ **So? Aren’t you the manasser hater. Don’t talk.** _I DONT HATE MANASS. YOURE PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH. MANASS IS OKAY._ **suuuure.** guys this is getting out of control _SORRY_ **NO IM NOT** _HES BEING MEAN_ They got the extended toilet seat, for safety. It was actually extended so much that herbert had trouble climbing onto the toilet seat and would often fall into the urine and shit that Dan never flushes. Herbert has an app that shows who is following him and who unfollows him so if he is following them he can unfollow them. Dan had unfollowed him on his instagram furry art account and Herbert frowned really hard and started to cry softly. He frowned so hard his face started going numb and he thought he was having a heart attack which triggered a full blown panic attack and he fell onto the ground wheezing and heaving and crying and sobbing huge fat tears streaming down his face. Dan stopped the car. With his abs. He got out of the car. The car is crashed u fuck **NO** _The car is fine. Everything is fine._ He turned around. He stared herbert in his tear stained face and gritted his teeth. “STOP. FUCKING. CRYING. OH MY GOD. WE CANT GO ANYWHERE. IM TRYING TO TAKE YOU TO GOODWILL SO I CAN GET SOME NEW JEANS. FUCK YOU. YOU RUINED MY LAST PAIR OF JEANS WHEN YOU WORE THEM AND OVULATED IN THEM.” He reaches back into the back seat where herberts baby seat is and slaps the shit out of him. Then dan forgot about going to goodwill because he has no object permanence so they went home. _Its how object permanence works._  
Yea i read that somewhere ur right _Yes i am_ They got out of the car. Herbert got into his wheelchair and then got out. Dan ignored him and went up the stairs. (He came back) He turned around one last time, tipping the wheelchair over, and leaving again to go have se. The wheelchair broke into pieces and so did herbert’s spine. It broke because he’s afab. _Hes fabulous?_ **No.** _wtf_ guys i think imdead  
“Herbert, have you turned in your voting ballot? You really should. Everyone should early vote. Voting is very important you know, it’s your duty as a citizen.” Dan said with his mouth. Dan turns, wide eyed, towards you, the reader. He stares at your, and for some reason starts to get a bit blurry. YOu think he may be hypnotizing you, but it doesn’t make sense why does that hypnotize you somebody explain. But it’s okay, we will cut it out upon release. Dan opens his mouth and says. “I think you.” Herbert chimes in, feeling pretty chipper now. “Vote biden!” he says. He smiles and votes biden. This is sponsored by Joe Biden. Herbert and Dan both got $40,000 dollars each for their joe biden endorsement. Dan immediately spent it on weed and hookers. Herbert put his up his ass.  
Herbert chews on a spoon. Yes we are mentally cha **no im not. You guys** _are fine. Im fine. You guys are not normal._ **are. Im not.** Llenged. Dr hill walks in then leaves. Well, he flies in with his bat wings. He flies in. dr hill flies in. he flew in. keep going **youre asking a lot.** _I can do this forever._

A bystander walks up, she looks like a woman with nice almost shoulder length hair and some insane cats. She walks up, on her evening job to skin raccoons, and says”i love bashir _NO. ANYTHING BUT BASHIR I THINK HE SHOULD END HIS LIFE_ **NO HES YOUR FAVORITE** _HES YOUR TYPE YOU LOVE HIM_ from star trek and starscream from transformers “Hello gentleman. Where is the store? I want takis. I want to go to the taki store.” Herbert looks at her with bulging big eyes, he spots the whiteclaw in her hand, and immediately knows she’s one of them. He can relax now. herbert kills himself and comes back from reagent and kills himself again. He end his own life. But he didnt actually. Then he had no thats the end. Dan is there. Herberting drinking a whiteclaw and a bottle of wine. He quirks a brow and cocks a single brow. Dan looks with his brows raised. Then he smiles in a way that looks like a smile but it could have been a grin or maybe a smirk, quite possibly a grin i think, no but it was most definitely a smile. He slipped a meaty finger into herber’ts mouth. Herbert didnt know what to think about that, but that was okay. There is this bald thing with three budgies on its head that constantly shit on its face and biting its nose while the thing walks around all deranged and insane. Dan stands up and says “Someone let it in the house. Who let this thing in the house. Im going to kill whoever let this thing in the house.” dan went up the stairs. HOW DID THEY GET IN THE HOUSE I HATE IT HERE UPthe stairs. Matt walked. This is a part of the lore. NO LEAE ME ALONE Matt is canon. He is in a cannon. Herbert shoots the cannon into Dan’s chest. He blocks the blow. Matt dies. He is no longer canon. Then Herbert reanimates Matt and grins. Matt forgot because reanimator 3 isn’t about reanimation, its about prison. She’s gone, the woman is gone. Sh **NO.** ’es back _she died_  
Herbert and dan make up by having sex or something whatever.

_(cut to reanimator logo and themesong. there are hints of a 5th movie, but we will die of mysterious circumstances before we make it)_


	2. dinner and a show.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Herbert come to terms with their pizza. Stay a while, won't you?

After the events of a few days ago, Dan and Herbert now had to tip-toe around each other like walking on eggshells. The absolute madness that had happened beforehand was weighing in the air like a rock, and the woman, Taylor, that had moved into their house before was feeling it. She decided early on to leave instead, and now the rent was up once again with just the two of them paying for one giant house with a whole cemetery, and still being in residency. 

One early morning, Dan knew he had to wake up early for a shift at the hospital, but he also knew Herbert hardly ever slept if at all, so there was a high chance he’d meet his roommate at some point. The long-nosed man sighed as he sat up from bed, completely naked as all men slept, and ran his hand down his face. He did not want to come face to face with Herbert, the two still hadn't talked about the trip to goodwill, and he wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation. 

His second alarm of the morning jerked him from his thoughts, and he knew he had to actually get up and start getting dressed or he’d be late and probably kicked out of medical school once and for all. Dan got up, tall as a mountain, and lumbered towards his bathroom. He turned on the painfully bright fluorescent bathroom light and looked in the mirror. His massive, hard, throbbing glizzy was visible through his dainty pink underwear. They were herberts. His massive sagging balls fell out of the side of them and hung down to about the middle of his thigh. He wanted to yank the ever living fuck out of his meat and milk his huge balls, but because he missed his first alarm he didnt have the time. Instead he took a shower and sulked into the kitchen to make food. 

Herbert was standing in the kitchen, blair witching in the corner as he murmured something to himself. Dan stood in the doorway, staring at Herbert’s receding hairline. He looked down and stared at Herbert's tight little ass. What an ass it was. Torn up bits of cash still stuck to it. Joe Biden smiles. He’s standing across the room, also in a darkly lit corner. He fades into nothingness. He whispers “i like that, Jack”Herbert snaps his head over to Dan severing his 3rd and 4th cervical vertebrae, rage filling his eyes. “WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BIG NOSE HORNY BITCH” herbert hollers. Herbert’s eyes glistened with tears, clearly he had been awake all night and sulking alone around the house. It seemed his rage and emotional state had gotten the better of him, and he finally felt it all crack. Dan didn’t really know what to do, so he just kinda stood there uselessly like usual fuck you. 

Joe Biden reappeared at 8% opacity behind Dan. Ball Clinton drops from the ceiling, a rope tied taut around his scrotum. His legs dangle limply as his mouth shoots open and lets out a silent scream of both pleasure and pain. Joe was his most shameful reanimation attempt yet. Herbert took out his glock 19 and shot Joe Biden square in the face. Kamala Harris is president now. Herbert shoots Kamala Harris. There is no president. Matt, the man from before, has become the new president of the United Confluence. That’s the USA in this world, okay? “Herbert we have to re-animate the president!” Dan cried, cradling Joe’s already rotting corpse. “Perhaps” Herbert murmured, his pink lips slightly parted. Crusty and chapped. Seriously ashy as fuck. “Dan… I need aquaphor”  
“Herbert, the fuck is auaphor?” Dan said. “You stole it didn’t you” Dan claimed Herbert.

Dan'sDan's top instincts kicked in and he felt the insatiable urge to aftercare herbert. He immediately ran over to his roommate, all worries of school or work forgotten. It took maybe 2 steps because he has huge long legs, and wrapped his big muscular straight man arms around the twink’s little body. Herbert started crying, unbeknownst to Dan why, but he was still there nonetheless. Herbert pressed his tiny frail face into the crook of Dan's neck, wiping away his tears. He wrapped his noodle arms around Dan and hugs him tightly, completely letting loose and sobbing wildly. Dan coos at him, gentle words of affirmation as he tells Herbert to “let it out.” and boy, does he go ham. I mean this bitch just won’t stop crying, like he’s been holding in tears for all his 26 years of life. “D-Dan I-...” he started blubbering, and Dan pulled back a bit to look down at him. Herbert was really short. “I apologize for screaming.” he ended up saying, quieting down his sobs now and returning to a more normal state- well, normal for Herbert. But oh no, Dan wasn’t about to let him close himself off when he was so close to being normal for once in his life. He corralled the shaken herbert to the tattered couch in their living room, and gently guided him down to sit. Dan sat down besides Herbert still holding him close.

He leans in closely and whispers something sweet. Something so mushy and gushy it’s unbearable. “Babe…. What’s going on..?” Herbert looked away, his eyes trained on his shiny nice shoes at the floor. Dan’s feet were bare and he had to repress a slight smile. The sadness in his heart brought him back down though, and he continued to angstily look away. Dan let out another man sigh, realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere with this. He knew what he’d want somebody to do for him if he were so upset, so he decided to do it. That sentence makes sense. Carefully, Dan wrapped his arms around Herbert again, and pulled the two of them down onto the couch. Herbert weighed basically nothing, so it wasn’t hard, and he ended up with the twink laying on his chest, his arms wrapped around him like a safety blanket in a fire. Dan’s soft caresses put Herbert in heat. He was so wet. 

“Daniel, what are you-” Dan put a fat finger inside Herbert’s mouth again. He let out a squeak of surprise, but found the heat and weight of it in his mouth oddly comforting. Herbert felt too surprised and sexually confused to continue crying, and instead was solely focused on what Dan would do next. He felt like his nerves were on fire, he could practically feel each molecule of air around them, and he was hyper focused on the sounds of their breathing and the sweat gleaming on Dan’s big man body. Daniel tore away his tear away shirt revealing his thick jungle, and Herbert wanted to get lost in it. Dan moved his face right up next to herberts, so close that he could momentarily feel their lips momentarily brush past one another momentarily. It was only momentarily, but their lips did indeed have a momentary contact. It set their faces ablaze, if only for one moment. It was momentary.  
”D-dan i-” Herbert stuttered, not sure what he was even trying to say. He was abruptly cut off by Dan pressing his full, plush, wet, plump, round, hot tongue into Herbert's thin and dry mouth opening. Herbert sucked instinctively. He was instantly in little space. Memories of mother. Herbert arched his back, pressing his swollen member against Dan's leg. Dan gasped, not knowing Herbert had been getting hard this whole time. He really thought Herbert had a vagina or something. The more you know. Dan Instantly got hard as fuck. Herbert felt the man’s hardness against his thigh and leaned back, looking down in surprise. His face flushed at the sight, seeing Dan’s rock hard member tenting up a storm on his crotch. Herbert swallowed nervously. Dan noticed him staring at his monster cock and turned redder than something red a cherry i dont know. 

“Oh man Herbert I am so sorry-” he began to apologize, but Herbert’s small pale nimble hand grabbing at his biblical penis cut him off instantly in an intense cry of pure ecstasy. He almost came right there in his pants. Dan had not expected Herbert to just grab his penis, but maybe they both were just dead or somethingsomething and this wasn’t real. That was probably it. But the tightness in his balls felt so real. Herbert kept going to town, massaging the fuck out of Dan’s dick like it was dough.  
Dan was surprised. He only felt that way with women. Although he had to admit that looking directly at Herbert while he twisted his cock was making him go limp. Kind of a real turn off. Actually a huge turn off. Yeah, Dan couldn’t look at him at all; it would just make him completely soft. He just closed his eyes and imagined it was a hot milf with big mommy milkers- like meg or some shit. Meg… The memories came flooding back, his mind hurting and throbbing in pain as he remembered his beautiful mistress was dead. Oh god she was dead. Dan’s eyes flew open and his nostrils flared like an ape in a rage. His veins popped and trembled as they filled with his boiling blood. Fists clenched, his nails dug into his palms and drew blood. The metallic smell reached his triangular nose as he heaved deep hot breaths. The taste was on his tongue. He saw red. 

Herbert, who was still limply laying on top of him, noticed Dan's sudden change. “Danny...is something wrong?” he said, retracting his hand from his meat and folding it up against his chest like a scared queer. Dan beat his large chest like a drum and grabbed Herbert’s delicate ankle in one of his enormous hairy gorilla hands. Before Herbert could protest, he was yanked off the couch, a squeal ripped out of him by the force of it. On his knuckles and knees, Dan hooted and hauled the smaller gayer man through the house. He was so fast. Herbert limply flopped around and smashed into walls and furniture as he was dragged by the abomination that Dan had become. Rushing up the staircase, Herbert’s head hit every stair edge on the way up. The taco bell bonk sound played at each step, for comedic effect. When they reached the top, Herbert’s head was practically squirting blood out of his busted temples like a broken water fountain. Dan didn’t give a shit.  
Despite the blood pouring from his head, Herbert was extremely turned on by the violence (he was a freak like that) and remained rock hard. They were both hard. There’s cum and blood everywhere. Dan tore through the hallway as Herbert flailed around behind, his head continuing to smash into the walls and coating them with his precious blood and spinal fluids. He’s probably braindead at this point, but since his pee pee was still insanely hard there was still life in him somewhere.  
Ball Clinton hung at the end of the hall by his balls. Dan used one large muscular arm to shove him into the wall, which effectively killed poor ball clinton. He popped like a bug and splattered all over the wall, his balls still suspended from the rope that hung from the rafters. A million tiny little ball clintlets swarmed out of his exploded head.They were attracted to the scent of cum and blood and instantly locked onto Herbert and Dan. What little life remained in Herbert knew that the Ball Clintlets would interfere with his final breeding session with his beloved Dan, so he began crushing them with his broken and mangled hands. But he was so badly fucked up from being thrown around that he accidentally grabbed his own dick and crushed it. ouch! The ball clintlets surged towards Dan and Herbert and began to lick the skin off their bodies with their small but sharp ball clinton radulas. Dan shrieked and howled and swung Herbert around over his head trying to kill as many ball clintlets as possible. Herbert just took the abuse. He liked it. It’s all he knew. 

With all his incredible ape might, Dan swung Herbert around in a circle and released his ankle, sending him spiraling out of a window like a frisbee. Broken glass pierced Herbert’s petal soft skin as he fell two stories onto the driveway below, landing on their 1981 Chrysler Imperial’s windshield and breaking it into a million pieces. Its monetary value plummeted. Every inch of Herbert’s skin was embedded with glass. There were a few shards that even went up his eviscerated urethra. Dan and Herbert do not have insurance. The car’s horn went off and it was so loud that it burst Herbert's eardrums beyond repair. The jarring noise of it also alarmed Dan which sent him further into his tantrum as he began ripping apart the drywall and wood panel flooring with his fists. He suddenly had an idea form deep inside his rage filled walnut sized brain. Dan stomped over to the bathroom, tearing the door off its hinges. There was the antique toilet that he and Herbert bought together on a date back in ‘86. That was back when he was brainwashed by the unnatural sin of homosexuality. Now he saw the light in God. He started beating the toilet mercilessly and it instantly exploded, sending porcelain shards deep into his fists causing blood to spray everywhere. He kept punching until there was nothing left of their priceless toilet but dust and blood which formed a most interesting toilet dust blood paste. He tried a little and it tasted okay. It might be better on pizza. Dan scooped the rest into a jar with what remained of his fingers and sealed it off for later, and put it in his pocket. He would have to inform Herbert to make the pizza for dinner, possibly tonight? Pizza did sound good right now. Where did Herbert go anyways? Oh that’s right, he threw him out the window. Dan smiled and trudged out of the bathroom and looked out the broken window. Herbert was sprawled out on the hood of their 1981 Chrysler Imperial, which was dented and smashed up, car alarm still blaring. Poor thing. That was Dan’s favorite car. Herbert looked fine though. Fine as fuck. NO. He shook his head furiously, so hard that it hurt and his nose bled. He jut out his jaw and grunted. Racing down the stairs on all fours and out the door, he stamped over to Herbert’s bloody cut up body. His pale skin had already begun to turn red in the midday sun and the fact that he was on top of a hot car did not help. His epidermis was sizzling like bacon. Bacon, Dan thought. He scraped Herbert off the car, using a shovel from the garage like a spatula to pry him off, because his skin had begun to stick to the searing metal. Dan carried Herbert’s cooked body into the house and laid him on the couch.

Herbert’s eyes fluttered open and he saw Dan’s huge face take up his entire field of vision. He appeared to be saying something, but Herbert couldn’t hear him. In fact, he couldn’t hear anything. He was deaf. Dan’s mouth contorted as he seemed to be yelling but still Herbert couldn’t hear shit. A few moments of silence, for Dan, and it clicked. Lumbering away briefly, Dan came back with a pencil and paper. He scribbled on it then shoved the paper into Herbert’s face. It read, I;M HUNGY. MAKE PIZA. Herbert frowned. He tried to shake his head no but he fell over and smashed it onto the corner of the coffee table in front of him. Dan stared with his lower jaw sticking out. He held the writing up to Herbert’s face again and pointed at it, nodding and smiling scarily. He read it aloud, but Herbert was fucking deaf. Dan remembered that fact again and smiled wider. Grabbing Herbert by the skull, Dan lifted him off the floor and carried him into the kitchen. Suddenly, without warning, Herbert’s body detached from his head as easily as wet paper and he died. But then he reanimated himself and everything was fine. “It’s pizza time” Dan grunted. Herbert whimpered as he approached the counter covered in flour, dried cum and reagent. Daniel put Herbert’s back to his chest, and grabbed each of his hands with his. He slid his head over Herbert’s shoulder and whispered into his ear. “Youre going to fucking MAKE this piza.” Herbert howled in horror and agony as Dan moved his hands like a dark puppetmaster. He could only watch in dread as his own hands prepared the yeast. He screamed as he mixed the liquid with flour. He writhed as it was set out to rise. It was all so painful. He still couldn’t hear much, and the world was spinning on its axis due to the vertigo from his eardrums bursting. His tears were mixing into the pizza dough, but Dan didn’t seem to care. His only thoughts were on the soon-to-be pizza on the dirty countertop.

Letting the pizza dough prove was in the recipe, and Dan made them sit and stare as the dough slowly began its rising process. Dan was in no way a baker, so he had no fucking idea how to make a pizza, but that didn’t stop him from going fucking apeshit as he watched the slowly rising dough. The seconds felt like hours because it was actually an hour. The dough was so big and white and soft now, Dan thought. Just like Herbert’s a-NO. Dan stopped himself and grabbed his cross necklace, fell on his knees, and began to pray. With his physical support gone, Herbert collapsed to the dusty floor like he was in a hydraulic press. Dan continued to pray up to the heavens as Herbert wriggled around the floor, looking for any means of solace in this trying time. He didn’t know Jesus.He was Jewish. While Dan was apologizing to God, Herbert happened to look into the open pantry. What he saw chilled him to the core. “D-Dan?” Herbert squeaked. Dan’s eyes flew open and locked irises with Herbert. Dan grit his teeth and gave Herbert a look of total disdain and loathing. He clenched his jaw and growled, “What. What could it possibly fucking be. I'm doing something really important right now. Not like you'd understand.” Herbert audibly swallowed. “We...Dan...We’re out of pizza sauce………” He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the next thrashing. But it never came. Opening one hazel orb, he saw...Dan...grinning? He looked as if the heavens had opened and also like he just came. He gave Herbert the biggest grin the dark haired man had ever seen. “It’s okay.” said Dan with a sudden clarity. “I just went to the store.” He pulled out an unlabeled jar from his pocket and held it out to Herbert. “Use this pizza sauce I bought yesterday. It’s organic.” 

Herbert continued to watch Dan, his head still reeling in pain and unease as he watched. He didn’t want to make any move, feeling like a caged animal with a panther across the room ready to pounce at even the smallest movement. Why would Dan's demeanour have changed so quickly, as if a switch had flicked in his mind and he was normal once again. Herbert shifted his eyes, looking around as if he were in some false reality, before hesitantly reaching out for the jar of sauce being presented to him. Dan made no move at the motion, no sign he’d get triggered once again and attack. Herbert, unknowingly, let out a small sigh he’d been keeping tight in his chest. Dan immediately killed him. But then he was re-animated again. There was still work to do, pizza to be made. Cautiously, Herbert plucked the jar from Dan’s hands. Well he tried to. Dan was gripping onto the jar tightly. Herbert tried once again to jerk the jar away. Dan still did not let go.  
“Dan, are you going to let go.” Herbert frowned hard. Dan didn’t answer. This went on for about ten minutes until Daniel suddenly blinked and let the jar free. “Sorry. I had to think about it.” He grunted. Herbert gave Dan a look of contempt. Also he didn’t hear what Dan just said because he’s still deaf. Gripping the countertop with uncoordinated hands, Herbert tried to haul himself onto his wobbly newborn deer legs. The Pizza (yes, Pizza) was waiting for him, forebodingly, like an abusive lover. It was inexplicably already spread out and ready for sauce. The very sight of it made Herbert quiver and feel like he was about to faint. Then again, everything did. He stared at the jar full of totally organic sauce. This should be easy. Just open the jar, pour the sauce out, spread it around the dough, cook it, make Dan happy. Easy. 

As soon as Herbert’s parkinsons hands tried to grip and twist the lid off the jar, it slipped and shattered onto the tile. It was like in slow motion. Herbert just stood there frozen in shock and feared for his life. Dan’s jaw visibly clenched.”H-hahahha!” Herbert tittered. “I-I-I guess we c-can’t make the p-p-pizza!” Dan’s eyes steeled and a vein throbbed in his forehead. Then his gaze softened. A smile played at his lips.  
“No, it’s alright. We can still salvage this,” Dan scooped up the splattered sauce along with shards of glass into his great palms, “See?” Herbert winced and swallowed. He was still deaf, mind you. But he could read lips (he learned in 30 seconds because he’s smart). Dan smoothed the sauce around the Pizza’s delicate, soft surface. He gently spread it even all over, even the sides. He also pissed on it a little--an artisan’s touch. Herbert couldn’t help but be impressed, even as his knees threatened to give out without any support.

Dan turned around and put the pizza in the oven. He was so fucking hungry he felt like he might have to eat the next thing he saw, the scents of cooking toilet sauce and dough making his stomach gurgle. Unfortunately, the only thing he could see to eat was Herbert’s thick ass. His mouth watered for Herbert's sweet bussy. NO- GET THESE EVIL THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD FUCK NO PLEASE LORD FORGIVE ME. I do not forgive you. I have succeeded in the failures of your god, or whatever he says idk. Anyways, Dan reaches out with a loud grunt and pushes Herbert over onto the floor which honestly was easy because he was rocking and swaying like a white woman at a hozier concert. Dan wanted pizza. And to fuck Herbert. Yes, he things that would be incredible STOP KANYE SINGNIG HE”S YODELING OUT TO THE HEAVEN S KANYE PLAESE. Dan is spiraling without the sweetness of Herbert. He has gone without it for far too long. 

The pizza is ready now. 

Dan grins.

Herbert sweats. He becomes so hot and sweaty, he probably has hyperhidrosis which is a real problem amongst 4.3% of the population. . 

Dan takes the pizza out of the oven.

Dan puts the pizza on the table. 

He cuts each slice slowly and deliberately, making every single one of the eight slices perfectly even.

They sat down to eat.

Herbert and Dan sat across from each other. They faced each other. They looked at each other both in their respective faces. Herbert pokes at his slice and gives it a look-over. It’s cheese pizza. Dan has his own slice, but he isn’t eating either. Instead, he looks at Herbert expectantly. Herbert stares at Dan with his large wet watery glistening glittering twinkling hazel golden brown honey puppy dog orbs. Dan glanced down at Herbert’s slice then at Herbert himself and smiled. “Don't be shy,” Dan murmured through his smiling mouth. “Take a bite”. Herbert gulped audibly like a cartoon character. With shaky hands, he picked up his slice of Pizza. He examined it in the light over the rim of his p*do glasses. It looked like Pizza, definitely. He took a whiff.. Smelled like it too. Then it had to be a perfectly normal Pizza. Dan was just strangely jovial. He was just manic. His lover was simply coming down after his intense ape shit episode. It was fine. He didn’t feel safe at all, but maybe comfortable enough to try the Pizza. He deserved this Pizza. It’s been a long day. Yeah. Herbert smiled to himself and opened his tiny little small mouth to fit the corner of the Pizza slice inside. Dan’s grin got somehow even wider. He hadn’t blinked this entire time. Herbert bit down. The bite went into his mouth. Dan audibly breathed through his nostrils. Herbert chewed the Pizza up. It tasted alright, but the sauce was strangely crunchy. Almost like sand. A bit of a metallic taste, maybe more sterile like the smooth edge of porcelain. And very….bloody? Yep, that was blood alright. It suddenly occurred to Herbert that this maybe perhaps slightly sort of just might not be pizza sauce. He glanced up at Dan who was staring him straight in the eyes with a wicked smile on his face. Dan whispered “Do you like it?” while maintaining eye contact. Herbert shot up and ran as best as he could to the bathroom, feeling suddenly nauseous. He ran into a few walls here and there, but managed to scrabble up the stairs and into the bathroom to reach the….. 

There was no toilet. Where was the toilet. The antique toilet he and Dan had bought on a date in ‘86. He clung to the doorframe, trying to support himself, eyes darting around in confusion. That toilet meant so much to them both. Did someone steal it? Their priceless toilet? He still felt sick. Suddenly he heard the loud and heavy footsteps of Dan lumbering up the stairs. Herbert was too scared and weak to move, he continued clinging to the doorframe. He stood there like a deer in headlights, afraid to move as to not alert Dan. The footsteps grew closer and closer until they stopped right behind him. Seconds felt like hours of pure silence. He felt Dan's hot breath on the back of his neck. “How’d the trip to the toilet go, babe?” Dan whispered into Herbert’s ear. The sick son of a bitch had destroyed the toilet. The neasuae in his stomach only grew as he thought of the 20,000 dollars they had put into a down payment on their fancy princess dianna toilet with the golden accents. All gone to waste, and now gurgling around in Herbert’s tummy after he had eaten the pizza. Finally, after so long, Herbert felt like he could start to hear things again. A low, deep rumbling noise started playing in his ears as he could start to hear, and he felt confusion cloud in his mind again. Turning around, hearing the sound of the humming behind him, he looked at the man’s muscular frame. Dan was backlit, the lighting surrounding him like a halo but he was made of evil and black and darkness. He was mumbling something under his breath, Herbert couldn’t really tell what he was saying it sounded like some language unbeknownst to mankind or lost in a distant reality. Herbert turned around fully now, backing into the shit and water covered bathroom because the pipe had burst in Dan’s previous rage, his nice fancy shoes filling with water and getting his socks all wet and squelchy. He didn’t think anything could make the day worse. Then, in walks a female. Taylor came back. Enter the homewrecker.


End file.
